| Jun. 18th, 2005 @ 08:57 pm And another drabble |
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Fate wakes suddenly, not her usual slow progression from asleep to disoriented to groggy to awake. She's wide awake, instantly, staring up at the dark ceiling overhead, blinking against the glare of her alarm clock's flashing red numerals. She reaches a hand out, finds the rest of the bed empty, the sheets cold. Her heart hammers out a heavy beat within her chest, and for a moment she's back in the past, curled up alone in her bed, hugging her knees to her chest and trying to pretend it's an adequate substitute for User's warmth and softness, unable to sleep because of the worry and terror and panic that chase one another around and around in her skull, fighting to breathe against the tears that clog her throat.
Then a soft noise draws her back to the present, and she slides out of bed and walks quietly out of the bedroom. She finds User in the living room, curled up on the couch with her back pressed deep into the corner, as if trying to hide, her face pressed into her thighs. She can recognize the sound now; soft, choking gasps. User shudders with each one, her back rising and falling sharply. Fate suspects the other girl doesn't realize she's there; she'd never let Fate see her so vulnerable.
With a soft sigh, Fate sits on the couch next to User, reaching out to stroke a hand along her hair. User jerks, her breath hitching, and her head snaps up. She stares at Fate, eyes wide with some combination of fear and desperation that makes Fate's heart ache. Even in the dim moonlight, she can see the tears that glisten on her cheeks.
"You're supposed to be asleep," User says in a voice choked with tears.
"So're you," Fate says softly, then leans over and rests a kiss against the top of her head. Her hand slides from User's hair down her arm, finding her hand in the darkness and lacing their fingers together. She gives it a gentle squeeze, and after a moment's hesitation, User squeezes back.
"I can't," she whispers raggedly, turning her face away. Still hiding, Fate thinks with a sigh, but instead of turning User's face back towards her, she slips and arm around her waist and draws User close, her back pressed against Fate's chest, letting her have her illusion of stoicism. User stiffens for a moment, shifting as if to draw away, but eventually she releases a soft breath and relaxes back against Fate.
Fate wraps her arms around User's waist and leans in against her, resting her lips against the curve of her shoulder, waiting quietly.
User releases a ragged breath and lets her head fall forward. "I see them," she says, whisper-quiet. "When I sleep...when I close my eyes... They wait for me." Her voice quivers, just a little. Tears burn within Fate eyes at the sound of it; she squeezes them shut and leans her forehead against User's back.
"I'm here," she whispers, hating that it's all she can do. "I'm here, and they can't touch you."
"They don't have to." With a sudden move, User turns within Fate's arms and burrows against her, shuddering, arms clutching her close. "They're in my head, Fate."
"I know," Fate whispers against the tears that choke her, hating her helplessness. She soothes her hands up User's back, thumbing through the red and silver strands of her hair and tilting her face upwards, pressing a kiss against her mouth. "You're stronger than they are, though. And you're not alone. We'll help you, darling, but you have to let us help you."
She speaks into Fate's skin, not lifting her head, a thready whisper. "I don't want to worry anyone."
Fate's laughter is choked and desperate. "Honey, you do that just by breathing. That's what happens when you love someone. It just makes us worry more when you hold us at arm's length." She raises User's head and leans her forehead against hers, cradling her face and stroking her cheeks with her thumbs. "Please, sweetie. Please don't keep me distanced. Please, let me be here for you." |
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